people go to the military after high school. people go to college/uni. people work. people go find themselves. people go crazy or don't do shit. people mix that all up in a bag.

My mom wants me to finish my degree. funny CUZ she wants my brother to get some kind of LVN or RN / certificate thing after high school.

Guess she saw what happened to me and probably just wants me to finish what I started. LOL. I mean, I already did a pharmacy tech certificate and couldn't find a job. It takes way more work and motivation. (Actually, I almost had a job interview but I blew it and missed the phone call. The interview was the next day for Kaiser . So actually, I learned that I can get whatever I want if I worked hard and met the right people and gave the right impression.). 

I want to see how I survive without college in my head. I want to see if my passions are stronger than my comforts in life. I want to give back for all that I took in my life and share what I didn't experience in the past. 

What do you wanna do?

that whole kpop star thing. maybe it would be more awesomer to find a career for a few years to save up money for me in the future rather than to jump into the kpop scene. but i dunno. what's unmotivating me is the lack of sleep that idols face and I like sleep. I don't think I'm that driven for that so, I think it's best to stick to finishing school and becoming proficient at speaking Korean.

The last week has been eye-opening ish. Like, seeing friends from my high school grade moving away for jobs and moving on in life. I still feel like I won't be able to move on until I finish school and figuring out my identity and experiencing more things. I want to get into a routine but my routine for the past decade has been just trying to get by and "escape" (via dramas, videos, internet distractions, and stuff) rather than get somewhere. I'm glad to know that if I'm super motivated, I can push into any direction I want. But with the past job experiences, I feel unsatisfied with my work ethic and my goal setting-ness.

I got to hang out with my friends a lot. I got to try my chlorella pills and calm down my food cravings. I hope to push forward into a healthier diet. I feel the muscle building with the pills & better nutrition! It's so awesome!

Ugh I want to attract people but I don't look "OH DANG" hot!! I'm also not confident at the club! That means It's time to work! lol.. like.. work out and eat healthier and get more sleep, I've been using Aveeno for my eczema and it's getting kewww. 

uhoh, i need to do p90x tom morning. good thing anielle is kicking us out.

interesting convos about abortion & euthanasia and adoption. i like these adult conversations

perceptions & treating people differently:
So like, we're human and all. I mean, of course we treat friends and family like friends and family..but outside of that.

Just been thinking like..

Like, you are in a group of people and u talk to someone attractive first or that has an outstanding personality. Like, attractive people (personality or looks or whatever), we just give more attention to. I wish I didn't do that. Or at least, I wish I could tone that down. Cuz people that are unattractive could have a great personality and life goals and could be a kewl friend.

_--------__________

my situation:
I can't get outta bed! It's soooo cold! I woke up at 7 (am) and it felt like midnight cuz there was no sun.
I'm so unmotivated. Whenever I think about getting something, the words "cold" or "too cold" flash and I'm stuck lounging around.

I've been thinking lately about my options. I really wanna get into career mode and make money and get outta this lifestyle. But I still have that dream of performing or doing something creative for a living. I just haven't jumped through the mental hurdles yet. I'm not afraid of living in another country for a while to chase dreams while I'm young and able but I wanna support my family later and save money for future "retirement" & business ventures. I haven't even finished my degree -_-;; maybe it's best if I imagine myself graduated. What would I do? School is a big thing that has always been on my mind. Life without school or graduating. How liberating.

I still wanna audition for a Korean entertainment company. Just for the experience (even if I'm too old). I wanna train and see what day to day life would be like for those idols. Just the whole idea of being put with bandmates/other trainees to bond with, and having your basic needs met while training to be paid to perform is sounds awesome lol. I'd totally put competition in the other trainees' faces if I show up cuz I'm short, a foreigner, and can speak English & Korean. (Hopefully Korean, by that time). LOL. And I'd feel the heat cuz I'm older competing with young people. sucks for them hahaha.

I have flashbacks of performing and it's a thrill. Like, you might forget your words or the choreo but you keep going. Problem is, I've always been in a group and never did any solo performances. Auditioning on your own? Oh well. I miss the flow you have on stage and the feeling of singing your heart out. My whole body just feels iono how to describe it... like, in tune in the universe. LOL. Then again, I can always just join a band, bond with them and stuff. But I want a Korean experience. hmmmmm.. and it would be neat for someone to manage my life schedule in the future...haha.

Maybe I can train for an audition but still apply for a univeristy here to learn Korean. I don't wanna be in TaLK anymore. Be supportive of me please <3 haha

i'll probably miss this lifestyle. but not right now.

MY BODY.

I feel like I HELLA DRANK yesterday. We had like 2 pitchers of 3000cc beer. So, if I actually drank my beer, it woulda been like err... 6000/4 like 1500ml of beer per person. And we had like 3 or 4 soju bottles. so 1500ml of beer + a bottle of soju each. mine was probably 1000ml.

OOHHHH
scratch that. That was the second bar. the first one, we had like 5 or 6 shots of kiwi soju cocktail. -__-;;

I mean, i feel like I was hella light weight yesterday. like. My head was literally on the table to rest and I actually puked in the bathroom.

I never puke. lol. Must've been the cold alcohol & cold weather. I can't deal with the cold.

I woke up today and made ramyeon w/ cut up veggies & 2 만두 (mandoo... dumplings). I think my freezer is being weird, the mandoo didn't really feel frozen lol.

--------------

Basically. The whole rural foreign-teacher drinking lifestyle is getting old. I'ma miss the quiet, but i want PEOPLE. I want a social life that isn't surrounded by a bunch of drinking. Man, the other foreigners can hella hold their liquor. AND, my school drinks. The other teacher's schools don't drink as much. OMGGGGG. I don't ever wanna drink this much ever again. *sigh 6 more months*

Oh well, it was a fun experience in my youth. I'll be greatful that I got to have a taste of the "college" drinking lifestyle. I hella just came home and fell asleep on the bed with the light on (again). How the hell did i get in the taxi. lol, the girls were hella talking w/ the driver. omg, drunkieesss.

--------------

So, my mentor teacher is gonna ask the principal if I can go home for a month. (from the 21st to the 15th). I wanted to go earlier but I promised to hangout on the 19th for a going away party for someone and I wanna keep my promise xP.

something crazy's gonna happen this year. dunno if it's good or bad. it's almost the same feeling i had when anticipating if i'd get into TaLK or not.

it's been my first year ever living alone, away from Antioch & living abroad.. all at the same time.

I haven't reflected on 2012 yet. but, i did a lot of kewl weird stuff. It's probably the year I drank the most.
In my life.
EVER.

----------------------------------------------

It's the year of the snake ^_^.

MY YEAR BITCHESSS