January 3, 2013

• thoughts

  perceptions & treating people differently:
  So like, we're human and all. I mean, of course we treat friends and family like friends and family..but outside of that.

  Just been thinking like..

  Like, you are in a group of people and u talk to someone attractive first or that has an outstanding personality. Like, attractive people (personality or looks or whatever), we just give more attention to. I wish I didn't do that. Or at least, I wish I could tone that down. Cuz people that are unattractive could have a great personality and life goals and could be a kewl friend.
  
  _--------__________

  my situation:
  I can't get outta bed! It's soooo cold! I woke up at 7 (am) and it felt like midnight cuz there was no sun.
  I'm so unmotivated. Whenever I think about getting something, the words "cold" or "too cold" flash and I'm stuck lounging around.
  
  I've been thinking lately about my options. I really wanna get into career mode and make money and get outta this lifestyle. But I still have that dream of performing or doing something creative for a living. I just haven't jumped through the mental hurdles yet. I'm not afraid of living in another country for a while to chase dreams while I'm young and able but I wanna support my family later and save money for future "retirement" & business ventures. I haven't even finished my degree -_-;; maybe it's best if I imagine myself graduated. What would I do? School is a big thing that has always been on my mind. Life without school or graduating. How liberating.

  I still wanna audition for a Korean entertainment company. Just for the experience (even if I'm too old). I wanna train and see what day to day life would be like for those idols. Just the whole idea of being put with bandmates/other trainees to bond with, and having your basic needs met while training to be paid to perform is sounds awesome lol. I'd totally put competition in the other trainees' faces if I show up cuz I'm short, a foreigner, and can speak English & Korean. (Hopefully Korean, by that time). LOL. And I'd feel the heat cuz I'm older competing with young people. sucks for them hahaha.
  
  I have flashbacks of performing and it's a thrill. Like, you might forget your words or the choreo but you keep going. Problem is, I've always been in a group and never did any solo performances. Auditioning on your own? Oh well. I miss the flow you have on stage and the feeling of singing your heart out. My whole body just feels iono how to describe it... like, in tune in the universe. LOL. Then again, I can always just join a band, bond with them and stuff. But I want a Korean experience. hmmmmm.. and it would be neat for someone to manage my life schedule in the future...haha.
  
  Maybe I can train for an audition but still apply for a univeristy here to learn Korean. I don't wanna be in TaLK anymore. Be supportive of me please <3 haha

  • 6:50 pm
  • 1 Comment