Month: April 2013

  • marriage, love, random

    i don't remember if i posted about the eatyourkimchi interview but their love is so awesome. even though i don't subscribe to channels (lol)

    i don't believe in first site but in love after becoming friends. i still haven't been in love yet. i feel like that comes after years and years of being together. getting past the point of just physical attraction. past the point of lust. sure, attraction and sexual interactions are hugely important--but you know if you love someone when you can have moments enjoying their presence, outside of that. when you can give, take, give, take back and forth. and that you want to do it, you want them to make them happy. of course that would come back in return 100 times.

    guess I've figured that stuff out. i don't think i'd want to have a bunch of physical encounters all the time (down the line)... it just doesn't have meaning if you're not both in it for the same reasons.

    ----------------------------

    so, what do you want out of a relationship? I feel like, I want to share my life with someone and have experiences. friends are friends, lovers are lovers. i want to share the differences in my life and to know about their differences too. I want to share stories, and places, and make new memories with them. I want to spent my whole life to get to know them and make more memories and see how we change together. 

    I still don't know if I want marriage as a title yet. there's a lot of things unsettled that I need to talk to my parents about on a serious note that I never thought I'd actually do.

    There are things to discuss with people in my past and my present while trying to figure out things in life. Good thing I'm getting a good chunk of these things squared out while in my 20's :D . 

    -----------------------------------------------

    Perfect marriages. Perfect lives.

     It can exist if the puzzle is put together at the right times. When is the right time for me? I guess I'll know when I figure it out.

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    other thoughts..

    One mature thing I would like to do and change is to not belittle people. Try to look down on them or judge too easily. It's hard, but people are people. They have different circumstances. They got that way cuz of a reason and ya know what? If you gave them your time, they'd probably give you time and maybe even change. You don't have to give all your time but sometimes a couple of minutes might be just enough. It's crazy how the world works like that. You do something wrong and it changes another person's life. 

    iono, ranting.

    ---------------------------------------------

    anyway, here's a vid of Sandara, lol.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUXrX8iWEPY&NR=1&feature=endscreen

    i  think i posted about this but woahz, their lives. 

    I honestly think that yeah, she works hard, but that also YG is a businessman. she's pretty, knows like 3 languages and can leverage different markets. ;D. all by being just her.

    _----------------------------------------------

    How do you want to live your life? I've always wanted to do the right thing. There were times where I felt like I didn't. That I acted out of emotion. But the thing is, even if I did wrong, even if it was the wrong time or that it was too early, I will live to die knowing I did things with honesty. That I did what I could to keep things real. That I tried to make sure that I wasn't just giving feelings when they weren't real. That I spoke words i didn't mean. I want to be honest. There are times where I don't give the whole truth at the right time. :P . I work that way. But I still feel guilty and end up telling cuz I want to keep the trust. I can't just lie about everything (though it's quite easy to lie). 

    ------------------------------
    I read about the culture of music business a while back (or videos) and it said that many stars that preach good morals don't follow them behind the scenes. wtf. what kind of role model is that? they truly are selling an image. what a bunch of sh*t. the real world is painted gray with different points highlighted like crazzzyyyyy.

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    fingertips on the keyboard,
    your message pops up on my phone
    no hesitation hits,
    i respond with two clicks

    unlocked and typing,

    words magically flow amongst one another
    i let out a sigh,
    and gaze back at the computer screen
    we aren't what we used to be,
    i don't want it to be what it used to be
    if i want you forever,
    we'll have to change a little every second

    for now we'll be friends,

    and see how it all ends

    -----------------------------------------------------

  • oh like

    I ended up having to take a taxi to work. It was like 17,000 won lol. like 16~ish bucks. It's usually under or around $20 apparently.  I haven't done it before today lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

    But this only happened cuz i took forever to get outta bed and I took my time taking a shower. lawllllll

    just..

     

    I drank a fair amount last night and stayed out to noraebang but omfg it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun. Hung out with two talk people in town. Kayla, my awesomest friend here and Christine, the new scholar. Her friends from chungnam came and yeah. (but they don't drink). And kayla invited a teacher from her school cuz he lives at the doors by the school and it's hella lonely there with nothing to do.

    Even our coffeeshop-working Korean friend dropped in for a little bit after work. But he had to leave cuz that's his life lawlll.

    Maybe I am getting stronger at drinking. Or maybe it's all just luck and proper preparation. (I ate and was hydrated before I started).

     

    -----------

    I don't wanna be here GET ME OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. 3 hours till class is over lawllllllllllllll.

    --------------

     

    and, i'm trying to figure out patterns. like how i procrastinate cuz things are too hard or cuz I don't stick to a plan or cuz I dont have rewards or discipline.

    And how procrastinating costs money. (taxi... buying last minute cooking things for class today.. not studying enough for the exam and having to take it again). damn. My wallet.

    I feel like I let minute slip away cuz I say I still have time in the future. I mean, I do but it would be best to use the time I have now for productive things while I'm young and have spare time to crunch in some vocab words and stuff.

    But, I'm still having fun in my 20's. But at the same time, gotta look out and work towards my future in my 20's so I can't have to work harder later. >_<;; xP.

    ugh. life.

  • youtube vid

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOfDWhtL1Ww&feature=youtu.be

    finally up. 
    it's ugly.
    it's lame.
    it's done.

    lol.

  • u ever

    Ride ur bicycle while drunk in the middle of the night to a friend's house?? Lol @ those bumps. So fun

  • hawaii

    Jan Jan is forever on my mind cuz i worry about his future. Of course I worry about my family.

    So, I texted his mom asked if she'd let him go to Hawaii if I was there too. I said I don't mind and university of hawaii has korean classes nd that i still need to finish my degree. (Fawqking degree)! She agreed so I hope he says yes and is gonna do it. I wouldn't mind spending time in Hawaii either LAWL.

    but if this does happen, and it happens in fall.. i'm gonna miss korea soooooooo bad. if he was able to transfer next fall okay, kewl. but i would rather him do it this fall. but i dunno. lawl. Up to him. but i don't wanna apply for the university here to learn korean when i can chill in hawaii and focus on finishing my degree. LawL.

    Well, we'll see :P . but my visa ends at the beginning of august. hopefully he can transfer or convinces them to go to community college in hawaii or something. >_<.

  • the only thing standing between me and a successful life is my efforts in learning the Korean language. Other than that, it's all networking and making friends.

    UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    All I have to do is freaking eat vocab like no tomorrow. I could be a translator. Intern at a film company(like that craigslist ad), be an intern at a firm. OMFG. LIMITLESS OPPORTUNITIES. -cry-

    must.. push.. on..

  • urgh reality

    don't think i can realistically pass for that test to get my visa. i got bitched slapped in the face by reality. even if i did know half the vocab, i didn't anticipate the questions with idioms and stuff. But I'm still showing up for the test. Even if I don't answer the essay question. lol.

    a tutor told me she found info on the test from a foreigner who has been here like 10 years & it took him like a while -aka forever- to pass the test.

    SO...

    I found an internship position on craiglist.

    http://seoul.craigslist.co.kr/tfr/3734318456.html.

    I honestly don't wanna teach again. I can't find jobs for translation, but this internship sounds so awesome! If they promise a visa that I can later convert to an F-2-S visa, then sweet.

    It looks like it's in the film industry, yay! I just cram REAL korean (not this test stuff) and like, work on presenting myself.

    Recklessly chasing opportunities & ways out? Yeah, that's me.

  • D:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0q_VGacfNk

    a video about people who died from the porn industry. (though, i don't agree with posting the one that died from an asthma attack or like a heart condition) but wowz. oh well, i'm watching less and less porn anyway cuz i like the real thing LOL

  • ugh

    barely been studying for that freaking test i signed up for. but it's forcing me to move forward with Korean.

    OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
    WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF. HOLD MYSELF TO HIGH STANDARDS THAT I CAN'T FULFILL.
    Oh well, guess it makes me move up, no matter what.. rather than staying on the same level. 

    I mean, I'm not like, intellectually smart so.. how do i survive? :/

    -------------------------
    gotta keep going up the steps. i'll look back down when i make it far enough.
    life isn't always comfortable. how am I supposed to grow and learn?
    -------------------------------
    omg i can't take long periods with these kids! I actually miss my 40 minute lessons. (cuz i have double periods on the weekends). you appreciate things the higher you go up. things that used to annoy you and that were frustrating becomes easy.

    i'm at the like 3/4s up. can't look down yet.

    FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKKK THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
    ----------------------
    and the kids! it's true, like, you really feel like a baby sitter a lot of the time! jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.
    so not looking forward to teaching young kids after this, for a loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnng tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee. 
    i probably won't mind tutoring older kids but seriously. and i know i'm gonna miss them but i mean, i realize i'm not a good esl teacher to these kids (since i barely speak korean).. and that though i raised my tolerance levels, i know why kids get yelled at now =P.

    i don't hold their behavior against them like.. i don't take it personally but my stress levels with them.. UGH.

    ---------------
    i haven't been working out really. i think that's what i need to do more. if I don't, i'm just gonna get all evil and annoyed.
    on a side note, we made mac nd cheese this weekend. good thing they enjoyed it. i mean, i can't force english down their throats. 
    -------------------------------
    i worry about them. like they're my siblings. i feel like i got too close cuz lol.. they treat me like a friend and mess around too much. i feel unprofessional a lot of the time. i'm so not ready to be a real teacher.
    but it's a good experience cuz like, two years at a job? i remember it was soooooooooooo hard the first six months. and the same with the last six months LOL. 

    i mean, kids are kids but dang. it takes way more energy to entertain / teach & prepare. just caring isn't good enough. just showing up isn't good enough.

    guess that's life.
    .
    ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
    the good kids go bad and the bad kids go good. and then it cycles back and forth. omfg. lol.
    just gotta get past my test and focus on the kids more and sign up for summer / fall classes online and finish my FREAKIN DEGREE SO I CAN BE FREEEEEE! I'm tired of holding myself mentally captive. 
    just.. that test. :'(
    if everything fails, i can just run away back to the states, to philippines, just gotta finish that degree and i can just figure shit out from then. one step at at a time. i can always teach again in a different country w/ different kids nd older kids. 
    at least I have a back-up "career" / job lined up w/ the experience i got and the people I've met. I won't go hungry or bored. LoL. if I get desperate, I can go to saudi arabia and make over $3,000 / month w/ free housing & transportation, after i get teaching accreditaton & experience from the states .. should I ever need to. as long as i have internet, i can stay sane.
    beats working at mcdonalds. gonna rake in that money! gonna live the life I want. gonna be eligible to retire at age 40 / have a stockpile of cash & investments by then. gotta push for the future. i wanna invest in my communities (states, Korea) and my family.

    I worry about Jan Jan. I worry about my brother and his future. I want to travel and hang out w/ my mom. i wanna invest in any businesses my friends wanna open. i wanna have money for when my friends need it. I want to have money stockpiled for when I'm ready to adopt or whatever. 

    I was wondering how orphanages work, maybe i can sponsor one and stuff when i get bank. dunno lol. just wanna make a difference somewhere.
    push guys! we're so much further than where we were 10 years ago! i'm still trying to get past "high school". ugh. maybe that degree and this TaLK experience will finally allow me to move on and become a better adult.

  • blog

    Now!!!