how long must i hold myself back before i am able to create? isnt it possible to learn and create as you go? why must my fear of imperfection prevent me from taking baby step number one 일본. 왜요? 야 이시.. rome wasnt build it a day. neither was the states or any other great empire

stuck on an asian drama.

ughhhh bad habits.

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i was late for dance class yesterday by an hour. swearz i have commitment problems and being on time problems and problems on problems. it's 5am and sunday. i could've done something more productive but i watched asian dramas and fell asleep at 3am sat night. guess i'm not changing today.

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i was watching Rooftop Prince and they were talking about going home & even though the new place is awesome there's nothing like home.

i agree.

we won't always be happy about the routines each day brings. but despite anything new, it'll get boring or old eventually. so, we can appreciate what we have and try to just spice things up here and there to bring that "new" feeling without loosing the appreciation for what we have.

^that's what I see. cuz i already got used to my environment and have gotten toooooo comfortable. again. -_-;;
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and bought hella shit for summer on gmarket. (well, just $50-ish worth. i cut down my shopping cart from 78k won LoL).

i don't like shopping & haggling. & whenever I finally find something I really really like @ the market in seoul, i can't find my size -_-;;. and then i have to haggle? i like shopping at the market in Busan better; when I was on vacation. the stalls seem more homey & chill, rather than the buildings in Seoul where there are just minishops all piled next to each other w/ people trying to lure u in T_T. and they usually don't have my size or price range. I wanna try shopping in Daegu next time. I did find some kewl shoes in Seoul, though.

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i also cave to drinking. i'm bad at managing time and am unrealistic. on top of it my non-existant perfectionism prevents me from getting things done or even start.

procrastination issues.

friday- i went to kpop class and hella messed up cuz i havent been going to class and were doing this new song lol.

went to eat salsa and chill with people / play king's cup at another TalK's apartment. course i lost. it was only like half a bottle of soju with some juice.

we went to a bar after to meet other foreigners and then went home Px. i just got kalua milk at the bar.

saturday - woke up to go watch buddah's birthday parade in seoul. cindy and i went mostly window shopping around dongdaemun after and met up with josh again in hongdae at a bar. met his friends and we went to one other bar and then to a club. tried to find a jimjilbang but couldnt find it so we waited for the subway to open up again LOL.

we got to tje central bus terminal and had to catch the 7.10am bus cuz the 6.30 was sold out.

i called people while the other two semi napped waiting for the bus.

first anielle buy no answer. then connie for a lil and then lauren (miller). lol. she just graduated tuesday and is looking around for a job or something? iono lol. she said she didnt go to the last japanese reunion cuz nobody she knew was going.

sunday--- so we got back to taean after our 2 hr bus ride. yeah we all woke up late in the afternoon. so anyway, just josh, kayla and i went to eat some chinese food and josh went home while kayla and i went to noraebang. i really want to learn more songs lol. its always the same songs from big bang, b1a4, beast..and my ft island / dbsk songs. ㅠㅠ.

bit yeah, i fell asleep when i got home and ended up waking up at 1am monday -.-

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so, it's monday. and theres supposed to be an eclipse in like 15mins? doing laundry and i think the rice is done~~

i was walking to this place to watch porn and i did. forgot what the porn was but it was good. then this handsome thai dude popped up speaking thai. he had one of those thin rectangular menu looking things saying hes disabled or something and to donate. just as i grabbed it, he left. i went to look for him and he came back to that spot but didnt see me so i follwed him around. and he was taking change from the ground of some casinos and he was getting chased out. then i followed him this epic quest to find a princess. we went into water and followed a path that lead us to land.

it looked familiar like ive been there b4 and i assumed it was in another dream or something and that the grass path we walked up used to have snow. we go into this old fashioned period looking plot of land ...and in one room we see some girls on the wooden furniture and one on a computer. some girls left and he followed them to find her but i was left in the room and busted out laughing cuz when we walking in, i saw all of their faces were painted obscenely white like geishas buttheir nose area was painted red. it was if they painted a clownose or something lmao!!!!

and then i woke up to pee and was still laughing hahaha.

damn weird naps. he seemed hamdsome and spoke thai but was effing annoying cuz we like went to a bunch of places searching for something / that girl

http://www.datingish.com/762785057/porns-effect-on-my-sex-life/

you read it?

what striked me were the comments. the ones where those in religiously conservative families didnt have access to porn and they have great sex lives . i think thats a kewl thing.

anyway, i like the one comment about being single and experiencing things before getting in a serious relationship so theres no expectations. i agree.

and also that..real life might not be the same as a fantasy. which is right.

but, fun can come about time and experience..;).

sexay tawime!!

i'm tired of winging lessons & not doing hw on time T_T. i had a flashback on the bus to work today. it was alaska when i was moved to a different machine which cut fillets in half. but i was new and at the end where they had to be stacked and cut properly. omfg the first 2 days were hell. 15 hours of the stacks getting messed up and me stacking shit wrong and it getting cut funkily.

i learned in alaska that shit happens and i just gotta keep going. whatever mini break of rest i could take i could. i didn't stand around food during break time, i took a mini 10minute nap on the bench cuz it was always 5 or 6 hours of painful sleep.

i'm taking shit for granted again.

luckily...
i got to transfer to a university that took me. i got accepted into korea the last minute. I failed so many classes and still am a student. @_@. i got through the first crazy semester in korea with unruly students living in a place where i didn't know the language or really have anyone close to get along with. on top of this, my mom isn't nagging me anymore & i have my own apartment that has so much paid for & utilities are effing cheap.

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FAWKKKING PAPERS. MY PROCRASTINATION ISSUES. you'd think I'd learn by now. at least how to control triggers & get stuff done. i only have flashbacks of moments when I finished papers at some random city in a burger king or starbucks. not many memories of finishing homework early. gotta dig for those. create new habits. meh.

ugh. they say that you shouldn't base your happiness for an accomplishment that will happen later in life and it's best to try to find a way to be happy everyday. T_T.

bad habits.

right now i'm making perfectionist excuses "i can't make it right. what if i do it wrong?" but i have to start to do it wrong first. P= 아... 진짜..
maybe it's cuz i haven't been working out & my mind is all blocked.

it was raining during the theme park trip. i left my umbrella in the theater after watching avengers. mega sigh. lost my wallet last week.

just savoring memories with a blog. finished my gumdo class and went drinking with a foreign teacher and our korean friend. today is parents day, so he seemed a lil down cuz his mom isn't around (like she's passed..dunno how long ago). so just went bar hoppin, chillin and chattin.

those two should really hook up. his english is pretty good. he meets he needs of my friend. he also isn't too picky. haha. that would be so awesome for them ^.^ ..

ANYWAY, my love story won't happen for a while, lol. but oh well.

sigh. procrastinating like crazzzy. -sigh-. i tell myself to just go to a pc bang (internet cafe) but like i make up an excuse to stay in the house. AND IT'S GORGEOUS OUTSIDE!

yesterday (sunday), me & another teacher met up to cook stuff. lawl. we made big pizza pockets (like a calzone) and gimchi jige. Problem is, the gimchi jige didn't have much taste and the calzone didn't have enough stuffing. l o l. but we made puppy chow and that turned out fine P=. anyway, i found the secret to gimchi jige. it's their fish sauce!!! cuz ya know, gimchi is usually pickled with a fish sauce. so i bought some other kind of anchovy fish sauce (not the gimchi/kimchi kind) but it tasted fine :]. hmmm... it looks nice too lol. so do the pizza pockets. =P. i need to get the other kind of gimchi fish sauce (the actual kind of fish sauce they use for the cabbage gimchi), to make the jige taste better.

saturday was someone's birthday and we went to the beach. they all camped out but me & others just joined in during the day. got to see the water & chill on the grass. not extremely exciting but, yeah. =P.

it's past lunch time & i haven't eaten all day. ㅠ ㅠ .. lol. but i ate hella pizza & pizza pockets that we baked yesterday so, maybe i'll just keep drinking water till I get home. last night I was watching some history documentary about ancient civilizations (totally disctracting myself from homework) and saw some realllly compelling theories about how ancient civilizations had so much technology at their disposal that they used to build the pyramids and other structures that are left over; cuz it's like impossible to build those kinds of things, and to shape huge mega-ton stones without some type of technology. it also had some interestingly weird but seemingly true theories about some things from the bible and other religious texts with manuals about how to fly aircrafts and ancient nuclear technologies.

 it was a total mind fuck. and i really want to learn more. cuz they compared the stonmasonry with that of today and our machines aren't powerful enough to carry those stones that high & our instruments would take decades to create something as precisely cut as the pyramids & stuff... and we use diamonds today to make those cuts in granite stones. how the hell did they cut that shit up? and it lasted hundreds of years; proof that those things were engineered & planned out well. i really don't believe it's aliens but maybe. i mean, c'mon humans went through the industrial revolution; they should have had enough brainpower to make these things themselves... or not? D:

crap; i can't find the exact video, cuz i guess it's a fat series. here's a link to one of the videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FADRtGemE8M&feature=related

I

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& i just found another workout dude's youtube.
tuan tran.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW0wZAdayYg&feature=g-vrec

(lol it's usually some viet or chinese dude).